I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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