Your favorite bartender is back from prision
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
