Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
