apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
