Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
