please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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