The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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