Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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