how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
