I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
