i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
