I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
