At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
ttyl tear gas
We talked him into tasing himself.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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