I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
