I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
