if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
