in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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