This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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