HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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