someone owes me an orgasm
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
