just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
