if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
