If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
