After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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