I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
