there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
