your parents love me but you hate me
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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