Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
