I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
