Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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