I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
