I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
