How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
