True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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