You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
