We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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