Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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