I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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