Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
