He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
