i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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