Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
