How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
