I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
