i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
