She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
