i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
