I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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