Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm really busy with my period
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