i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
