Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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