my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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