Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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