im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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