just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
